What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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