I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
