There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
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we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
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When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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