I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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