I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I did not marry a roomba.
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