Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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