hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just threw up on my dentist
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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