I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
All I want is dick and wine.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
