note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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