Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
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I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
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She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
They are going to name an STD after you.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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