Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
