some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
