I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Pants are for mortals
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
