"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
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it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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