I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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