During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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