So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Randomize
