hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
