I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
