ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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