fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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