God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
not ubering you a puppy
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
