Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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