I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
