and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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