The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize