i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
