It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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