Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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