he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just forgot I was standing up.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
