: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
