They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
