Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
