I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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