I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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