careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
