how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
