Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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