"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
