I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
