i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
