I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize