i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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