hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
