He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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