More tranny stories later!
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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