based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
