My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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