dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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