i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
