We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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