How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
