The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Found your dick twin last night
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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