A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
