Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
