FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
