It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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