i permit you to call me
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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