Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
