I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
