tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
