It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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