TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
