So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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